Originally Posted by AnotherStander
At first there were just glimpses of the old her, but over time she's become more and more like the person I remember being married to.... it's still interesting to see how long it can take before they come out of the fog and start acting like their "old self".


Not to hijack here, but I thought I would quickly add that I am also beginning to experience the glimpses of W's old self, very sporadically. From what I have learned in my sit, it is about 2.5 to 3 yrs into her crisis (or whatever you want to call it)

The timeline is very long, I finally get it now.

Originally Posted by Unchien

IW, I agree that finalizing a D is not going to make me feel any better about the emotional pain. But I do need to protect myself with regards to the kids and money. In both areas I am sacrificing a lot.


I apologize for seeming harsh before - I reread what I wrote and I think what I was trying to impart (poorly) was that you are going to have this person in your life for a long time, D or not - because you have kids together.

If you find the things you are doing are not working, I might suggest you consider changing something - something quantifiable, but do it for your own sake. I really don't know what that would be, in the interests of anonymity, but maybe a shift in how you communicate with W...?

Originally Posted by Unchien

Also, continuing to support my W's lifestyle (which is essentially the same as our MR except I've moved out and I have the kids 4 days every 2 weeks) is not going to be helpful for her.

Actions have consequences. My W got extremely angry when I told her point blank I was not going to keep paying for mutual things if she was on her way out the door. It was a terrible time for both of us emotionally, but eventually things calmed down afterwards when she realized I was not going to cave one inch on that. It was a reality check - something that WAS's absolutely want no part of.

Originally Posted by Unchien

Maybe the hardest thing to let go of is my W's belief that I want a D. I'm sure upcoming events will only cement her belief. It's outside my control and hence I should not care. But I do need to protect myself. Continuing in our current separation is not standing for my MR. I need to move my little picnic outside the castle walls =)

It's all up to you, U. She will think what she thinks, but you do have the control here - that's the thing a lot of us LBSs forget. You can choose to stand or you can tell yourself you've had enough and walk. But make sure you are absolutely certain this is really something you want to do, and that it is the best course of action for you and your kids.

I wish you the best, buddy! smile