Pushing for D when it benefits you and and protects you is definitely the right thing to do and understandable in your case.
I think the number one problem in all this is timing. It takes the WW too long to come out of the crisis. I have seen AS write that his W is just coming out of it and he is seven years in.
Originally Posted by IronWill
do you think that rushing through this process will end the pain? Do you think it will all stop the minute mediation is done?
IW, I agree that finalizing a D is not going to make me feel any better about the emotional pain. But I do need to protect myself with regards to the kids and money. In both areas I am sacrificing a lot.
Also, continuing to support my W's lifestyle (which is essentially the same as our MR except I've moved out and I have the kids 4 days every 2 weeks) is not going to be helpful for her.
Legal S could be an option, but I see little difference between a legal S and a D other than semantics. I could be wrong. With a long timeline I doubt that it matters. Regardless I need a formal agreement. We have tried it the informal way for 5 months, and it results in way too much interaction about logistics and way too many misunderstandings. That's the most blameless way I can put it.
Maybe the hardest thing to let go of is my W's belief that I want a D. I'm sure upcoming events will only cement her belief. It's outside my control and hence I should not care. But I do need to protect myself. Continuing in our current separation is not standing for my MR. I need to move my little picnic outside the castle walls =)