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Last night W and I had a phone call to discuss some logistics about kids' birthdays and the upcoming holidays. It's our first Xmas apart so we are working out the details, but everything is okay. We talked a bit about scheduling mediation soon as well.
The most interesting part of the conversation was my W started talking about how her family was doing. I was validating, not all that different from the pre-BD days when we lived together but I knew she was considering D. I asked about her grandmother, whose health is failing. She talked for about 10 minutes about it. She shared that her parents are judging her a bit, and that she hasn't shared many details with her family about what is going on with us. I had a brief "Hmmm that's curious" moment and that's all. Maybe what she meant is she hasn't gone telling her family the things she has said to me directly. The accusations. It seemed like she really wanted me to know that. I just continued validating, and said I hoped her family was doing well.
I thought it was exceptionally strange that she shares very little with her family, but that's for her to decide. It was also strange how much she was telling me. She said "My family still cares about you a lot" and I said "Thank you for sharing that." I could swear she thought in her mind that I really needed to hear this, that I would be struggling with worrying that her family hates me. I guess that's probably some projection on her part, because she did ask if I had told my family anything. I do care about her family, and love her dad and brother in particular, but they are going to be my ex-in-law's, and other than seeing them at some random functions like graduations that is that.
I'm thankful that things aren't so tense at the moment. I can see a future where we co-parent amicably. I expect things will worsen when we do start mediation, because I am going to ask for what is fair, and W will think those asks are unfair. Perhaps I will be pleasantly surprised. But I am absolutely going to be prepared.