Good Morning bttrfly

Sorry to her about your Momís health. You are exercising your control, of what little bit of that situation you can, very well. Keep visiting her and make her home safe for her. You are a wonderful daughter.

It is not too surprising that XH didnít tell you about son. Iím glad you have good friends to lean on. I think the hardest part of stepping back and not enabling is knowing it is the right thing to do. It sounds like you have some wise people in your corner.

Originally Posted by bttrfly
I have spent a good amount of time with my friend. I freaking hate the friend zone. I am interested and I don't think he is. Or if he is/was, he's now of the opinion that I'm not interested in him in that way. Tough to tell which it is. I had a great opportunity to initiate, but he has said he prefers to be the one doing that sort of thing, so what does a gal do in that situation?

Whatís a gal to do? Talk to him.

Originally Posted by bttrfly
We've had a very recent talk about what we both want in a relationship short and long term - someone to be a companion and also to grow old with, someone you're excited to see/talk to.

I want to wave a sign at him, "Hello!!!! I'M RIGHT HERE!!!" but of course, that's not appropriate.

Who says. Ok, maybe not an actual billboard sized sign, but a sign nonetheless.

Originally Posted by bttrfly
Now I've decided to stop fighting my feelings for him and I'm pretty sure his feelings for me are not there, in a romantic sense, any longer. Although he's also said that it's weird that he feels nothing in that regard for anyone.

It nice to see you not fighting your feelings. Are you embracing them?

Originally Posted by bttrfly
I told him a few days ago, that's not what draws me now. I'm not looking for tall, dark and handsome Prince Valiant. That was for a different time in my life. Now what I find extremely sexy is a guy who has a great heart, and personality plus, with similar values, who is a great parent, not selfish, kind, etc.

Good. Guys like to hear what a gal find sexy, extremely.

Originally Posted by bttrfly
I have tried to drop little hints, without being too forward. We shall see what, if anything, transpires here. He will either figure it out, and be into it, or he won't.

Some views from the male side of things. Use them as you see fit.

Ok, irony aside. Yeah, the friend zone s*cks. This definitely shows your level of interest.

But, he was interested and now isnít maybe or maybe is. Quite a bit of mind reading and guessing going on there. Pretty normal Iíd say. So whatís a gal to do?

You know he was interested before. Feelings do wither - they donít disappear. The seeds are still there, and still fresh. Water them. Feed them.


You are already doing that. You have both shared short term and long term wants from a relationship. You have told him what you find attractive and sexy. When you follow up on that, even us of the less enlightened gender can put two and two together and come up with - hey she finds me sexy.

He prefers to be the one to initiate. Ok. It doesnít mean he doesnít, or wouldnít, like it if you initiated. And from what you said it was a rather vague preference to that sort of thing. You initiating something isnít going to turn him off - it will reinforce everything youíve been telling him.

Us men are a little simple and dim sometimes, that billboard sized sign is needed at certain times. smile

Go on a walk and hold his hand. Skin against skin. The heat from each otherís hand warming the other. A prolonged caress, more than innocent, and tempting for something more.

Bttrfly, this is from my vantage point. You and he have a good relationship, sharing feelings and passions and such. Itís wonderful that you arenít fighting your feelings; that your head and heart are more in alignment, and accurately reflected upon. Embrace them both - head and heart - thought and feelings. He is a great guy. You know it. You feel it.

You are a great gal. You know it. You feel it.

Put your fears aside and take a little step. Nothing wildly huge, just hold hands, hug shoulder to shoulder, walk arm in arm. It looks small to you - however that is billboard size smack to a guy.

And talk to him. We canít read minds.

Just a bit of open encouragement.


Me52 XW49 S23 S21 S19 D17

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

I may give up, but not today.