Originally Posted by unchien
I'm more confused than ever. I'll never understand it. But I will also learn to accept that there wasn't much I could do. I don't think handling limbo any differently would have resulted in a different MR outcome. I am more confused tonight about what's happened than I ever have been.

Very much relate to this, U. I was in your position back in April/May. W was running out the door and I was stumped. Then something happened to change her mind again. There is still no R, and no desire for one, but I will say everything has calmed way down, and there has been a slight improvement in communication. Not to give you false hope or give you expectations, but just to let you know feelings change, nothing is permanent, and this, too, shall pass.

Originally Posted by unchien
I can imagine it's going to be hard for me to dive in again, to trust that I won't bring my old baggage with me, to trust that the other person will be open and honest and communicate when things are not going well. From my current standpoint, relationships look like a burden. I see now how relationships need constant attention and care, and for now I need to put that energy into my relationship with my kids, co-parenting with my W, and my self-improvement. I need some time alone to figure out what I really want moving forward.

I relate to this very much. I don't feel like trusting anyone right now. I don't think I can. And I think that's ok - that's all part of it.

How do you look at it, U? I thought about what you wrote and here is what I came up with:

If I cannot work on the R I wanted to work on, then I don't want to be in any R. I have a lot of things I still want to do. Before her crisis/whatever, W understood and encouraged me to do those things. It was hard enough finding someone who "got me" before our R, that's why I lived alone for 8 yrs.

Right now, I have a very hard time believing I could find someone else who would understand the way I am and why I do the things I like to do. And TBH I don't have the energy or time to explain these things again or to compromise on those things with anyone else. It is very sad, and it will be very different without W involved, but there is no reason I cannot still do what I want to do.

Good on you for getting stronger, U. Hope you stick around for a bit.

Take care of yourself, buddy smile

Last edited by IronWill; 10/21/19 11:18 AM.