I, for one, found this forum too late although Im not sure I would have saved my marriage had I found it sooner. Surely the things I did do in the beginning were contrary to what I would have been advised to do and my marriage fast tracked to divorce. What this forum DID DO, is save my sanity and show me that I was not alone in my plight. It helped me find me again and the people who had gone down a similar path before me were beacons of hope in what was otherwise a very hopeless place.

I dont pretend to know what is the right answer for others but I do know that once a spouse has gotten to the point of wanting out, there is not a lot that is going to change his or her mind. It took too much for them to get to that point and they have likely been thinking about it for years. In my sitch, my XH had been working towards it for four years and was well into living a second life with someone else. I was just loose ends to him that needed to be tied up with as little drama as possible. This board helped me to minimize the drama which I did...for my kids. If the recommended approach is not for you, MW, then feel free to go elsewhere. Maybe there is a board out there that supports a different approach that feels better to you?

Sorry for the hijack U. Just wanted to add my two cents.

Me 53
H 48
B/G Twins 13
SD 21
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018