Hi U

I agree with IronWill above. All of us are in very difficult situations, and each one is unique with its own problems and peaks and troughs.

Originally Posted by IronWill

It is impossible to know of any other outcome in life because there are an infinite number of variables. It is not possible to know what could have been. I think once you accept that, you will find a lot of the angst and unsettled feeling inside will pass


This is very true. There are lots of 'could have beens' or 'might have beens'. For me, maybe my wife and I stayed happy forever. Or she could have cheated on me. Or she could've just upped and left in ten years' time when we were both in our 40s. The discord you're feeling is absolutely normal, and will smooth over in time.

Originally Posted by IronWill

You are not the one who initiated this. While you are changing for the better, there is no single thing you did or did not do that precipitated all of this. Could you have been a better husband? Could I? Could I have communicated better? Yes, naturally. But you care enough about your R to continually work on it, and you did what you thought was the best thing to do at that time.


Again, very true for so many of us here on the board. I admit what my shortcomings in my M and R were. I'm addressing them now and am reaping the rewards along with my friends and family. Sadly a WAS won't enjoy the fruits of the LBS' hard work, but you know what? Their choice, their loss. That's how I feel now. I felt guilty about having that stance at the beginning, but not any more.

With regard to advice, I appreciate all advice on this board when it is given to me. Understandably, some advice may not be practical or not even be possible depending on an individual's circumstances. You just go with the advice that you feel is most appropriate to your arrangements, and that is fine.


Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020