hi. been a loooong week. Mom went to her dr appt - it's three weeks, so obviously no bone growth yet, but her incision is healing beautifully and she's down to one transfer on toe touch. However, that's not a 'skill' so she cannot be covered by insurance to stay where she is.We decided we are moving her to the assisted living area for a short respite stay, private pay of course, as we both feel that's the safest way to help her. She sees the dr again on the 31st and will hopefully get permission for a little bit more pressure on that leg, which would send her back to her rehab with insurance coverage. I thought I was going in to have a nice visit before work. Didn't expect this. This happened on Thursday, three days ago.
I'm overwhelmed but not allowing myself to do more than acknowledge that theres a lot going on, and just dealing with each thing as it comes up.
I slept at the facility that first night, as they were not able to do one to one with the man because of staffing. I slept there the second night for mom's comfort, but I knew the constant waking up was killing me - I needed to go home that third night (Friday) so I could sleep. I was there before 7 am Saturday, as I'd noticed that he took advantage of the change in shift to wander. Sure enough, as soon as his one to one checked out, he came into Mom's room, and I blocked his way and called staff to get him. They did everything they could to keep him busy. I think his wife kept denying transfers. They finally moved him to the LTC side of the building, but he kept coming back to his old room, and I guess his new roommate was very mean, so the poor guy had a complete meltdown and it got physical. He was using a reacher as a sword. He ended up sectioned to a hospital where he will get the care he needs this past Tuesday.
There's still the family piece to deal with. I've noticed a theme for this week: setting boundaries, soft, hard, inflexible. It's been across the board - family, work, friends.
With the cousin and her husband, they came in last Saturday all smiles, acting like nothing ever happened. I was polite, yet aloof. I don't feel the same about them. I get they were both triggered by their own trauma of having sole responsibility for my aunt's care for 8 years while her older sister did whatever she wanted. Still, not ok to unload on me and while I appreciate the help how about waiting until I - or Mom - ask for it first? I'd say that's a hard boundary.
The cousin who started it all has continued to call the facility, asking probing questions about my mother's status, and ordering nursing around. Mom gave the order last Sunday that no information was to be released to anyone but me. This cousin's name is specifically called out in the chart. She has called several times after 8pm to speak with my mother, or more accurately, to put her mother on the phone with my mother. Mom can't hear that well and after 8pm she's trying to sleep, as she still has pain sometimes during the night. The nursing staff won't put her through. I"m sure I'll be hearing about it sooner or later, and I will deal with it. It may not be pretty, but it is going to be very effective. Inflexible boundary. We suspect she's looking for some way to piggy back her mom's care onto me. Not gonna happen.
In the middle of last weekend's craziness, I got a text from exbf who has done work for me in the past. He was looking for work, saying he needs emergency cash. I called and sent him about his business. He is in this situation because he put himself there. I've put him in touch with people who are willing to help him find real work. He's not following through. Not my problem.
Another friend has offered to "help" me clean out Dad's garage and tools, for a price, since he also needs the money (someone we've known for the better part of 25 years). I've told him no, thanks. Not able to do that right now. Have other things needing my time, attention and money.
My boss, after screaming at me every freaking day last week and turning me into a wreck took the opposite tone on Monday, told me to alleviate the stress of my commute by working from home in the morning and coming in the afternoon. He went on to say how happy he is with my work, and what an asset I am to the company etc. I said I was glad he feels that way and we need to have a discussion because I absolutely cannot have another work week like last week. I was frank about how upset I was all week, and that I cannot have this amount of stress in my life, it's not healthy. I told him frankly I would have quit on the spot if I didn't need flexibility for my mother and if he hadn't been understanding of my situation. Hard limit. I truly can't live like that. This week has been much better.
I asked my son when he planned to pay me back some money he's borrowed, now that he's working. That was the hard one to do, but it's for his best interest. He will pay me next week. I expect a payment plan, which is fine. The point is, he needs to pay me back.
Son tells me exh will be around Monday. Oh. Joy. Just keeping my head down and putting one foot in front of the other. I didn't set boundaries with exh. Had I, we might have figured out how to stay together or perhaps been divorced sooner. I find I'm working hard to get the house presentable. Some buttons still getting pushed there.
For me, this past interlude has shown I'm not willing to be a doormat, or have my good nature used against me for other's gain. Strange the gifts we get from our divorces.
Ok, you're kind of up to speed. I also feel like in the middle of all this my friend and I are growing closer. We'll see what happens with that. Gonna go visit mom with some coffee.
M 20+ T25+ BD 4/6/15 D Final 12/23/16
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi