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My father used to say you can't do anything with the truth as THEY see it. I believe there is a way to validate without agreeing. When WAH and I fought (years ago when this started) I just agreed because it was easier than defending. In hindsight there was nothing I could have done to change his narrative about me. I could have produced a video, concrete evidence and then maybe I might have a had a chance at convincing him but barring that I had nothing and I got nowhere.
Even if one validates without agreeing, there is zero control over how the other person perceives the interaction. You can't control how someone receives communication. But yes I should probably revisit validation and just stick with it. She is baiting me hard lately.
Originally Posted by kas99
You still see her though which I couldn't do right now. I'm not strong enough. I'd take every bait, argue every point, the whole nine. The last time I saw WAH was July 20th. I did good at first but then I got sucked in. There is this neediness, this can't let go, the part where I can't accept what's happened that gets in the way.
I've read that avoidance won't heal a relationship which I get but for me I don't know I need some distance until I beat my addiction (him).
I don't take every bait or argue every bit. But sometimes I do.
What helps me is I don't really feel attracted to her (physically or otherwise) anymore. She is not a person I would want to spend time with right now. I don't want her back, not this version. I know I can find a better partner in the future for me, but that partner would not be the mother of our beautiful children, the person I shared so many years of good memories with. So I obviously leave the door open for future possibilities if that is to happen. It seems so unrealistic and impossible.