Limbo cannot be about the LBS feeling guilty and horrible and 100% to blame. I spent over a year obsessing over my issues and contributions to our MR failures. When I spent some time 2 months ago thinking about my W's issues, and what I would like to see her work on, and my conditions for a reconciliation, I felt so much better. It helps me stay true to my own values, and not get sucked into feeling guilty and down about myself.

Guilt is overrated, feeling horrible keeps you stuck, and none of us here are 100% to blame. I'm still where you are where I feel better focusing (at times) on what WAH did than myself. It's called "blame shifting" for a reason. Consider this you allowed your W to treat you this way. She has her issues as my WAH does but we allowed the behavior to continue. We gave them permission to treat us less than regardless of who started it.

If we both focus on what we can control that is power. Should I get the gift of reconciling I will have a choice of deciding whether or not he's all in or not. Whether I stay and fight or whether I leave. I decide not him.

I'm not there yet by all means but this is where I'm aiming for but first I have to get to the part where I don't need him anymore. This part stinks.