Originally Posted by unchien
Originally Posted by IronWill
Agreed. I would also note that the LBS usually has a tendency to over-exaggerate the faults that were shown to them during the BD - because they were delivered during a highly emotional, sensitive, and stressful time. It takes lots of distance and the ability to change perspective outside of oneself for the LBS to understand that, while there were problems in the MR, it is not solely the LBS that caused the MR distress.

Yes, it is the responsibility of every LBS to change for the better for themselves. But the WAS has just as much responsibility to own up to their own side of the issues, once they come out of their crisis/fog/call it what you will. If they do not, whether it be through Recon or a new R, they will end up kicking the can down the road and have the same thing happen again and again.

This ^^^^^

Limbo cannot be about the LBS feeling guilty and horrible and 100% to blame. I spent over a year obsessing over my issues and contributions to our MR failures. When I spent some time 2 months ago thinking about my W's issues, and what I would like to see her work on, and my conditions for a reconciliation, I felt so much better. It helps me stay true to my own values, and not get sucked into feeling guilty and down about myself.

To be clear. I'm not suggesting the LBS at 100% fault. But I am suggesting that if you want the WAS to accommodate your timeline you will never get anywhere- if you reconcile or don't reconcile it doesn't matter. You can't expect a tit-for-tat that the WAS will own up to their issues. (i'm not suggesting this is you unchien) And it's totally natural that you'd expect the WAS to work on her stuff as well. I don't think you could have a true reconciliation without it - to be frank.

But I am saying it might be much longer than you or any LBS wants