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Thanks for your reply. Had my catch-up yesterday. They said I was doing well; they've made a second workout routine for me so I can mix up two routines now, and using different machines.
Yes, she was good at organising our social lives, I'd do the behind-the-scenes house-running stuff. It worked really well.
I agree regarding NGS - I'd feel obliged to do things for her to keep her happy. My worst thing was rather than do something nice and not say anything - e.g. clean the house or prep food for cooking before she asked - I'd do it and point out soon after that I'd done it, looking for approval from her straightaway to 'validate' my good actions. I'd always try to 'impress' her and maintain that outward 'perfect man' persona. Thing is, I know I am a good person - but I realise now after IC that I was way too passive in the R - not just this one but all previous Rs too.
I am focussed on being AMOAFWL - I think a one-off act similar to you helping with the rogue trader is a good idea. Being absolutely sparing is key though, so rest assured I won't go looking for opportunities like this.
Now, the whole reason for her wanting D just seems so far away and remote, because I've been addressing it and have sought professional help to deal with it, with very successful results. Seems such a distant thing now. I keep telling myself, 'it's her loss'.