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When we speak at night she wants to talk about her job situation and the OM's wife etc... I have been just listening and validating her feelings about her job. Should I listen at all or tell her I do not want to hear about it? Two nights ago she started talking about it and then walked away mad because she got angry that I told the OM's wife. The OM's wife has been spreading rumors and making life a living hell for her.


Hey bb-- Two things I would suggest you work on:

1) Detachment-- several good threads here on that. With the WW, it is particularly important. You are not there to be her butler, plumber, mechanic, shoulder to cry on, etc etc etc. She honestly shouldn't even still be living in the marital household. But, if she refuses to leave, you are not in any way required to comfort her, keep her company, or in fact do anything for her. She's a big girl and got herself into this mess. SHE has decided to end the marriage. SHE effectively did so the moment she slept with OM. That she is now living in your house is an unfortunate happenstance. Does that mean you treat her angrily and vindictively? No... you are above that... and above her. On matters where you must communicate, like joint bills or the like (though you should quickly be doing everything you can to separate these affairs, with the advice of a lawyer where appropriate), keep it as quick and as simple as possible. And you definitely don't need to be discussing OM and her OM-related troubles with her... just give her that "REALLY, ww?" look and walk off. Lots of good threads on detachment and interacting with WW's on her, particularly Sandi2s stuff-- read it. If you've already read it, READ IT AGAIN.

2) Yourself. What are you, BB, doing to improve yourself? To make yourself into a man only a fool would leave (AMOAFWL)? Do you have any hobbies, interests? If so, take them up again, expand on them. If you don't, find some? In fact, find some new ones even if you already have some well developed ones. Grow yourself. Get better. Fitness and Faith (if you are so inclined) are two excellent ones with lots of fringe benefits in terms of mindset and inner-peace and self-confidence (yes, you heard me right... self-confidence from religious faith-- if God is with you who can stand against you?) Maybe volunteer! It sounds like you are very active in coaching, which is a great avocation-- is there any way you can expand on that?But whichever, get out there and GAL! GAL and 180s (for the aspects of your life that need it) are the bedrock principle of DB-ing, and will serve you well whether or not you eventually end up reconciling with your W.

Hang in there, man, we're all rooting for you!!


H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7

"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3