BB, I'd suggest you put the boundaries on hold. It seems like you are really overthinking things right now. A lot of us come here wanting desperately to gain some semblance of control back in our lives, the problem is we think "control" is "forcing my W to come back"but it's not. Getting control back means moving forward and organizing a life for yourself WITHOUT your wife. THAT is what you need to be focusing on right now. I just have a very strong suspicion that if you answer LH your boundaries are going to be all about W giving up OM and recommitting to the M, not talking to OM in the house, etc. etc. But the point we're trying to make here is THAT is you trying to control her, and you can't. She has to CHOOSE not to do those things. The more you try to force her, the more likely she'll become even more wayward.
So forget the boundaries and focus on YOU and the kids. Leave her be for now. Get your life back under control and find yourself again. When things have settled down a bit then you can revisit this and decide what you want to do.
Me: 59 w/ S17, D23, D26 Current R: 4 years Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56