When I read your post I notice one theme coming from you, well one mostly. And it's JUSTICE. You want your WW to feel the pain for the destruction she has caused.
You often use phrases like, "she gets away with".
But here's a piece of advice. Justice doesn't belong to you. You aren't to one to teach her a lesson. The more you try to , "Show her", the more your hurt your healing and chances of her receiving JUSTICE. The more you intervene, the more you end up looking like the weak bad guy. Back away and allow her to fall on her own. Listen to the advice on here, she don't need you to help her to crash and burn, it will come in time, just not in the the time frame you want.
You want her to feel the pain from the destruction she caused and you want it too happen immediately, but it will come slow and in due time.
Your words are weak at the moment, but you want your actions to be strong. Instead on telling her you want her to leave, show her. Pack her things in boxes and place them in the garage. The next statement is, "l packed your items. I can't control who or when you talk to people, but I do have say so in this home, I demand respect, since you can't respect our home, I WANT you too leave". Will she leave, maybe not, but your actions and words now meet up.
When giving boundaries, they must be controllable by you.
Actions you can take: If she's talking to OM and you are paying the cell phone bills. You can say, I won't be paying your cell phone bill any longer. I won't be disrespected.
But if she's paying her own bill, it's no boundary to be set there.
Ultimatums are tricky, because, they are fueled by immediate choices, but they aren't leverage by immediate consequences, especially by LBS. Once you place and ultimatum out there you must be prepared to follow thru on whatever choice is choosen by the WS.
Boundaries are not ultimatums, they are protections for the LBS. Things you will not tolerate. Boundaries aren't choices to be placed at the WS feet but barriers to keep them out and at a distance from the LBS.
Read the boundary thread!!!
You got this BB
M:36 W:36 T:11 M:10 S16, S12, S9, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.