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Great time yesterday in London with mum. Really enjoyed the show, then went to a lovely Indian restaurant in the evening. Home by 8.30. Nice day.
Interesting chat with my mum on the train home - she feels that W was jealous of both myself and my sister. My W and I were both in the same industry (not any more - I changed career at 31 though I continue to do it as a hobby now) and even W said to me that she felt the 'lesser' of us, that I'd achieved more, was more respected and generally had better skills. She'd of course completely downplay her 2 successful little businesses, in a very niche area that I didn't understand. I'd always have to placate W and give her pep talks on this.
Also, my sister is quite glamorous and very popular. My mum feels sad that W never really spoke to my sister closely as SILs do. She'd never willingly want to spend time with my sister or text/Whatsapp her regularly. I'm not sure if it was due to the distance involved between us physically (i.e. where my sister lived and where we lived). If it was, that doesn't add up at all because her own family live 300 miles away! Being beset by NGS, I never brought it up even though I felt W didn't want to spend time with my family and woudl rather undertake a 5 hour drive to see hers, or a ten-minute drive to see her nearby friends.
Before we got M, my W also would always say "I must be married before I'm 30. I don't want to be walking down the aisle in my thirties!" She got married at 29. My mum and I wonder if this was due to subtle family pressure. Her parents married at 18 and her sister married at 23 and by 24 was already pregnant.
My parents have been more generous to both of us us than her own parents. My parents contributed a sizeable amount to our house deposit - which I'll give back to them once it is sold. Her parents could have given us double that very easily, but they didn't. They are very inconsistent with how they help out each of their 3 children which I find very strange. My parents by contrast have bought countless individual items for my W, and for the benefit of both of us and our house (they bought our sofas etc.). I'm not just talking from a sole financial perspective, but generally.
Also, one thing that really upset me was at Xmas time when we did the 'whose house are we at this year?' discussion. Whenever it was my parents' turn, my W would visibly look disappointed. She even said "It's more fun when it's a [her surname] Christmas." I was always really upset by that, as I felt that she was forcing me not to spend more time with my parents and was secretly wishing she wasn't there. I was weak back then, and did not establish a boundary there. She was polite and everything, but I got the feeling that she'd prefer to be swigging whiskey and talking loudly about politics (yawn) with her family.
Since we separated she has effectively regressed to what she'd do in her student days - heavy drinking, lots of late nights, hangovers, smoking, etc. When I went round the house a couple of weeks ago she was only talking about those kind of things and then worried about her living arrangements. I was not attracted to her. I felt sad when I realised that on reflection when I got home.
As mentioned before, she refuses IC. Ironic since both her and her own sister have been trying to get their own mum to go to IC and she is staunchly refusing too.
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020