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Any thoughts on Limerence and why spouses that are infatuated and obsessed with their partner will not leave their marriage.


Its just a fancy term for being "in love" or that hormonal, drunk, infatuated feeling you get when you meet a new person and fall "in love" with them. Not sure how it became such a "thing". IMHO you can call it whatever you want, but the bottom line is that the behavior patterns are the same. It's not some special category of affairs or waywardness that gives you some kind of leg up on solving your problems. Lots of people who fall in love with someone new ultimately "end up" with that new person even after the "rush" of new love wears off. Some dont. All you can do is take care of you. Trying to parse and navigate "limerance" (or whatever) focuses way too much on the other party.

Having said that, I remain convinced that, if an affair/relationship has not reached that point of intimacy/infuatuation/whatever, that one's timeline to R, if R is possible, can be shortened somewhat if the affair/relationship can be headed off before it gets that far. Note that more often than not it is NOT possible to achieve such an end (after all, you have no control over others, only over yourself), but you should well note Sandi2's guidelines on WWs where she has, at several points, stated that she believes that if, upon discovery of an A, the LBS dropped a bomb of their own and drew a firm, bright line "I won't live in an open marriage" resulting in the WW coming face to face with the actual, real, and complete loss of her spouse and family, that the timeline for R, where possible, would be significantly shortened. But again, pay attention to the fact that this approach is still self-focused... What I will and will not stand for.


H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7

"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3