Journal

My sister has been taking my mum to IC for about a month. It is not just about me and my M break down but generally she's been feeling under the weather and unhappy about a few other things. It's been really good - the IC is fantastic and very attentive and understanding. It has brought the three of us closer certainly.

I went with mum this week as my sister is on holiday with friends. We have already been together as a group of 3.

It has been a nice safe environment for me to disclose my fears and inner thoughts to her - she had no idea I Was feeling down about myself, poor body image, fear of intimacy etc. She said it's been great to hear me talk so much recently.

One very interesting thing she in therapy was "To be honest, I never thought you would last with W. She always gets bored and flits between things. I predicted that she'd stop things with you, as she wanted to move on to the next thing. Not sticking, not trying." I thanked her for saying it, and it made lots of sense. Maybe she wanted out?

My W always had relationships that never got beyond 2 years before me - she cheerfully admits "At the two year mark, I usually hate being around them, then I dump them." Then, "With you, I didn't get that." Although, maybe she did get it in the 8th year? Not sure. I know my infidelity and breach of trust was a major issue, and I do own the fact that I broke my W's heart. I did.

Again though, my mum's IC said, "But you've not actually physically been unfaithful, and you've not met up with anybody. It does seem too fast, almsot as if she has her own issues clouding her judgement in the background."

My sister and mum had immediately picked up on my W's insecurity within weeks of meeting her 8 years ago ("She talks way too much", "she laughs like she's really nervous all the time"). I thought it fascinating how perceptive they both were.

Have had a few thoughts about W, but then I imagined myself living alone, in my new house, closer to my sister and parents, closer to work, enjoying cooking in my new kitchen, kitting out the house with cool stuff, finally having space to display my almost-100% complete G1 Transformer collection (!), and so on.

GAL - this evening, off to gym. Going to try and up some weights on some of the machines. Also going to book tickets to a 'Bat walk' on Saturday for my sister and I. It's in a wood near town and some expert talks about bats and who runs a rescue sanctuary - I may get to actually hold a rescue bat! - and then we go on a walk at dusk bat-spotting. Should be a fun couple of hours.

Last edited by DaB35; 09/24/19 05:28 PM.

Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020