Thanks CW for your opinion.

Another example of when she upset me
During an argument recently (July) she said "I did lots of things to make you like me when we first got together. I stopped biting my nails [even though she still did it occasionally when we were living together], and I stopped smoking as I know you hate it."

And yet, after a few drinks she would always be grabbing another person's cigarette or vape for a puff. She'd have a 'girls night in' with two work colleagues every couple of months (staying over at one of their houses), and she'd smoke then - she would admit it to me. I don't understand why she'd say "I stopped it" but then would give in to social peer pressure, wanting to look cool, don't know what to be honest, and then just blatantly go against what she said to me. Just one basically but I'd be annoyed at her for saying emphatically that she stopped "for me" and then given half a chance would go against it.

It really irritated me. I have total regret for never saying "When you smoke it frustrates me because you keep telling me you stopped but whenever you're in a social situation you would be quite happy to do it when I'm not around. I don't like it."

Also, she would often go on holiday with her University friends for a week or so every year. Yet she'd then complain to me, "We never go on holiday." I'd feel upset because I'd have happily discussed going away somewhere with her if she wanted to!


I honestly don't know what my irrational trigger would be. I always thought that if my W ever cheated on me physically, I would think long and hard before ending the M and getting D, especially the length of time we've been in a R.


My view is she will certainly be re-writing history with her friends. Probably saying things like:
"Yeah he was really boring wasn't he?" [yet she'd tell me how nice it was that I 'calmed her down' as she 'needed that' in her life]
"We didn't really have much in common" [even though we absolutely did]
"I was tired of always being in charge." [even though I would take the lead on things too, perhaps not as often though]
And so on.

But you know what? I'm not dwelling on that. I know that i'm a good man, and I have so much to offer. It is her loss. She is putting herself in a really awful position by deciding to sell the house, D, give up on M and R. I fought. She said she doesn't want to put the effort in to make things work, as "I've done nothing wrong, why should I bother?"

I do feel I've owned my mistakes. All the GALing I've been doing has really helped so much. I went to the gym 5 times last week. I want to sustain that. The advantage is that I won't see her for weeks at a time so all the gym activity will provide quite noticeable changes for the next time I see her!


Me - 36, W - 32
No kids
T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr
Discovery - 14 May 2019
S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019
D & House sale final - Feb 2020