Maybe I should have said it will be many many years until this is completely behind you.

I'd say i agree with that.

From affair start to BD was about six to eight weeks, depending on when you consider the line to "EA" being crossed, and from BD to starting counseling in any even kind of meaningful fashion was 7 months. Even then, it turned out W was still entertaining phone calls from OM at her work and the ultimate turnaround-- which was dramatic--didn't come until 14 months after initial BD. Even at that point, however, you're only just starting down the path. We still have points where the affair or her waywardness comes up as an issue, and that doesn't even count the other marital issues that pre-existed the A that we had to work on and still face from time to time. Once something like that (an affair) happens in a marriage, I'd say the "work" to repair it never really ends, though i'd imagine you'd reach a plateau after a point (as you intimate, probably years later) where it is merely an unpleasant memory and doesn't warrant any "work" on improving/protecting the MR. We are currently two-plus years past any "active" contact between my W and OM, and 18 months past "No contact of any kind", and it still has the proven potential to pop up as an issue. We even had a discussion about it while we were away this past weekend for our 24th anniversary. The work never stops.

H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7

"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3