Originally Posted by DaB35
One thought - my mum has said I shouldn't ignore W too much as it may come across rude.
I'm trying to explain that I'm detaching and letting her get on with stuff.

Well first of all that would be true if this was a typical argument between a couple. But it's not, you've been BD'd. Once that happens the WAS has closed off their heart to you for the time being. There is no amount of pursuit and/ or being nice that will help, in fact it usually makes things worse. That said, you definitely do not want to appear rude, the key is to "lovingly" detach. This is where Sandi's rules come in because they describe how you can detach without being cold/ rude/ indifferent. So read those rules every day as a reminder of how to behave around W.

My mum feels sorry for W as she'll be living in a cramped room in her brothers little house and will struggle to run her businesses after the house is sold. I feel for her too of course - I'm not heartless. But it is her choice to do all of this - I wanted to R and sort things out together but she was not interested. Yes, everything that caused this was down to me. But she wouldn't try.

Well you are exactly right. You played a role but in the end she was the one that decided to end things rather than work on it. So whatever fallout happens, that is 100% on her. You can feel sorry for her but do not try to rescue her.

What are people's thoughts? E.g. when she texted me to say "someone's coming round on Wednesday to take pics of the house" I did not respond. I didn't think it necessary - I don't live there, I won't see the pics, and wr haven't arranged to meet up to do anything at all regarding anything. I've still not replied and won't.

Either don't reply or reply with a very simple "OK" to texts like that.

Me: 59 w/ S17, D23, D26
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56