Originally Posted by bballer1
Someone earlier suggested Divorce Remedy.

DR was written after DB and is really just an updated version of DB. So get that one.

Detaching would be letting go of the relationship meaning not relying on her for emotional support and finding happiness within myself and living my life. Spending more time with my son and re-focusing on my job and other commitments.

Yes. It's not a flip you switch, it takes time to get there.

GAL - Spending time away from home or doing things to grow. Ex: Going to coaching seminars and playing golf.

Right, or having dinner with an old friend, going to a painting class, taking your kid to the park to fly a kite, working on a car, sculpting, building a model, volunteering with Habitat, jogging, cycling, etc. etc. Anything that takes your mind off of things.

Going to be hard as she has texted me all morning wanting emotional support etc... She called and I quickly tried to get off the phone which she did not like.

It's only hard because you want to be nice. But being nice isn't going to earn you a thing with her.

I also made her sleep in the other bed last night as it helps me with letting go of the relationship. I don't trust her and really don't feel like being let down again.


I checked her phone and noticed she had used her App store very recently so I assumed she may have downloaded an App to talk with him, which is what I caught her doing last week but she didn't admit to it. She downloaded a texting app and then deleted it from her phone. She actually gave me her phone trying to be transparent but didn't think I would notice.

Yes this is exactly what we told you would happen. You caught her, you confronted her, so now she has gone deeper undercover with her activities. She thinks she is being so darned clever. I would not confront her again, but continue your detachment. If she says something like "why are you treating me like this, I told you I don't talk to OM anymore" then just say "we both know that's not true" and walk away. Don't explain, don't elaborate. Just let that hang in the air.

Me: 59 w/ S17, D23, D26
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56