Originally Posted by Dan35

Perhaps I shouldn't reel off my list of GAL activities, even if she asks? Just give bare minimum answers if she asks 'how have things been going,' to maintin the 'mysterious' idea?


I know the meet already took place but just wanted to say that you are correct here, you don't want to share your GAL activities with her. If she asks then give the bare minimum. When my XW would ask after BD I would respond with a generic "things are going great, how are things with you?" If she pressed for more info I would just say things like "Oh yes, I'm definitely staying busy!"

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OK it went well. I was pleasant, confident, wore nice new clothes, expensive cologne, haircut, clean car, the works.


Awesome! Did she ask why? If she did a great response would be "I have something I'm going to when we're done here." You don't want to make her think you're trying to impress her.

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I said things like "I can see why you'd feel that way" or "yes it must get lonely here a lot being on your own."


Great!

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She is worried about moving to live with her brother. He has a very small house. She was saying, "I just don't know how I'll fit all my stuff in his house, or how I'm going to run my businesses anymore."

I responded "Well, this is the reality of this decision." She didn't answer me back.


So why did you suddenly stop the validation? "I'm sure that's frustrating but I'm confident you'll get it worked out." Remember, it's not your job to "teach her a lesson". Let life do that.

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I didn't give W a hug when I left, nor did I say "nice to see you" or anything. Effectively, I left by saying, "OK, well I'll be off then. Keep me in the loop about the house. See yah."


Good.

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If she expects me to do more then I'll say, "With respect, the decision to sell the house is yours. You should therefore lead the sale. I will cooperate, but I will let you drive."


The idea here is not that you want her to think you're being punitive, but rather you are just too busy to be her errand boy. I assume you have a financial interest in the house so if this is going to happen then you want to make sure your interest is protected. You don't want to give her complete control because if she sells it at a huge loss then you pay for her mistake as well. So stay involved, but let her drive things. If she asks you to do something reasonable (provide info or such) then do it. If she makes silly demands (such as "this is your house too, you need to mow the yard and pick up all the dog poo") then politely decline and remind her that you have your own place you have to maintain.


Me: 59 w/ S17, D23, D26
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56