Thanks Thorn. I know I'll cycle back up, I just keep forgetting that I'll continue to cycle down too sometimes. It's a surprise every time, and feels like a set-back.
The Good: Most days lately I've felt amazing: powerful, confident, charming and intelligent. I've felt like the person I want to be and that I'm finally starting to uncover. I've been wondering, "who am I? Who is this social person that Yail is becoming?". I've always been shy, but these days I'm really tackling the social sphere. Perhaps it's my 180.
I have a few new friends. I remember last Fall when that's all I wanted - friends beyond my wonderful but small circle. And there are some lovely women that I'm getting to know that just popped into my life. It's new and it's gratifying.
One in particular is pretty cool. She's a lesbian as well, and incredibly outgoing and vocal. She just kind of picked me out of the crowd, declared "I want to be friends with Yail" (kind of literally did that, actually) and started inviting me out to do things. She has invited me to three different social things, I've said yes to all. Two of the events were with new-to-me social groups, and she then introduced me to new people at those so I can continue to expand the people I know. I think it's on me to invite her out next time so she knows I value her as well. We seem to have a similar sense of humor which is fun, though to be honest I don't know much about her personally yet. I could see us really clicking, and I'm hopeful she becomes part of my new group of friends I want to build.
This is what I need to focus on. Building my new life. But every now and then I suppose I have to pause, mourn, and keep moving.