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My XH has lost his ever-loving mind, y'all. I just cannot even with that man. I'm very much a one-shot kind of girl. You won't ever hear a story about me marrying the same guy 3 times or giving someone chances over and over again. You get one shot with me so make it your best. Not saying I don't forgive and that sort of thing...just saying I firmly believe in that "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me" adage. So, I say that to say when he walked away and wanted divorce, I dropped the rope pretty quickly and never looked back and won't ever look back because with time and distance, I have realized that he did me a favor in a lot of ways and my life would be a lot different and a lot less fulfilling if I had stayed with him over time.
Anyway, a little background before I explain his lost mind: when we divorced, we owned 2 cars and were paying for a house. The house was the one he'd bought prior to even meeting me, so my name wasn't even on it, but he offered to sign it over to me since I had been helping him pay for it for 10 years, if I wanted to keep it. I knew I wouldn't stay in that town any longer than I had to because it was HIS hometown and my own hometown was nearly 2 hours away and this was my chance to finally move HOME. So, I declined to take the house. We amicably separated all of our personal belongings (except the dog....she was the only thing we fought over) and I kept my car, as I had purchased it prior to marrying him and he kept his car even though it had been purchased by us jointly. He also kept possession of our daughter's car (well, she kept it actually) because it was in my name, but she still needed the vehicle and I wasn't going to take it just to turn around and sell it because I certainly didn't need 2 cars. When it came to dividing our financial assets, we closed out the savings account that we had jointly and divided that money in half. He had some stock earnings from his job that I could have gotten half of, but I earned more money than he did, so I just told him to keep it since he'd had the job long before I came along. I truly didn't want his money. I only wanted what was mine. We halved what money was in our checking account and until I moved out of the house, we each continued to pay 1/2 of everything, though I told him more than once that I would take on all the house bills by myself since he no longer lived there. He insisted on continuing to pay 1/2 since he wanted to keep everything on so he wouldn't have to pay deposits to get everything re-upped when I moved out and he moved back in. We wrote all of this up in an agreement, with the help of an attorney friend, so that we both had a legal obligation to follow through with what we said we would do. I took my half of the money and opened a new checking account at the same bank we had been using for our joint account because I had used that bank for years prior to marrying him and I wanted to be loyal to it (I am loyal to a fault in ALL things). It was easier for me to "move" out of the account and get a new one because it was kind of a pain for him to have to go through and get all of his SS direct deposits switched around. So, despite the fact that he was an a$$ who didn't deserve it, I was trying to be kind and make our split as easy as possible. Because of our bank policy, you can't just take someone's name off an account without closing the account so it was HIS idea to keep that existing account for himself and just go in and change all the passwords and everything. He knew I still, technically, had access to the account, since my name was still on it, but he kept insisting that he trusted me and knew I wouldn't try to take his money or do anything shady. He was right....I just wouldn't have because it is not in my nature to be shady. So, I opened my own account, he kept that one and away we went on our separate lives.
it has all worked out just fine and I have never once gone in and looked in the account or even thought about it. Until yesterday...………………….While I'm in class, I get a voicemail message from the bank and it simply said they were trying to reach me or XH about an account, so I KNEW it was about that account and not the one I currently use because until about a month ago, I was on the current one alone until I added Sparky and they plainly said XH's name and not Sparky's name, so I knew it was the old account. Unsure why they would even call me about it, since I assumed he'd changed all his contact info since he lives up near Boston now, I called back. The woman basically told me that the account was subject to being closed on Sept. 30 and that if the account closed, any outstanding debits would be taken out of any other accounts that the account holders on this account had. I explained the situation to the lady and told her that I had not used the account for nearly 5 years and I had no idea if XH was still using it because we no longer communicate. She then, because I'm still technically considered an account holder, told me that an automatic deposit had gone in on the 3rd (his SS, I assumed) but that the account was currently in the negative and "we" needed to get it straightened away so they could leave it open. She also told me this had been a pattern for awhile, which is why they were attempting to close it to begin with. She said they had tried to contact XH but the number they had for him was disconnected. So, though it really isn't my place any more, I told her I would get a message to him so he could deal with it. In the back of my head I'm thinking that I will do that only because if I don't and it gets closed, whatever overdraft fees pop up are going to be taken from MY current account and I will NOT allow that to happen because I didn't overdraft anything. I don't have a current phone number for him either. I don't know his mailing address and don't even know his e-mail address because the only e-mail address I ever had for him was connected to his cell phone account and I'm assuming he has a different cell phone number now that he's in Yankee land. So, I reached out the only way that I knew how without involving the girls or his sister and sent him a message on facebook. After a couple of hours, he responded, thanking me for letting him know and apologizing that they "bothered me with this" then he proceeded to inundate me with long rambling messages for about the next hour filling me in on why the account was overdrawn and what they had been spending money on and how they handle their finances and all sorts of bull sh!t I just didn't really need or want to know. I finally stopped him and just told him that it wasn't a problem for me to let him know because I didn't want whatever was happening in his account to be taken from my account when our money was no longer co-mingled and that if I were him, I would call the bank immediately and make sure they had my current contact information. Then he had to give me some long explanation about how they have an issue with their address and I again basically stopped him and told him to just call the number and fix it. Then he wanted to continue to ramble on about all the money they are spending to put his slut's house on the market so that they can move back to Arkansas within the next few months and he's telling me all sorts of details about that which I don't need to know, about how they are looking at houses online and are trying to be centrally located to all 3 girls so they are looking at such and such town. Well, 2 of the 3 girls live in the central part of the state while the 3rd lives in the western most part. The town he mentioned is in the NW corner of the state so I'm not sure how that is "central" to all 3 girls, but whatever.
As if all of his rambling about money and such weren't enough to make y'all agree he's lost his mind, in his final long rambling message, he apologized for "running off at the mouth" and joked I should call him his XW's name because she talks ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the time, but he did it because "he misses me". WTF, dude? If that wasn't enough, he throws in congratulations on my upcoming wedding, I look happy and Sparky is "the luckiest guy in the world" to get such an amazing woman. He tells me that the girls and their husbands all like Sparky and are happy for me. (I already knew that and don't need him acting like dad of the year, like he has some deep meaningful relationship with his daughters at this point, when they all barely tolerate him.) Seriously, it was just the single most WTF "conversation" I have ever had. I didn't even respond because I didn't know how to. I wanted to just unload everything that I have never said to him but I just figured there was no point because he has already put his own spin on it all and he still thinks he did no wrong. He walked away, after cheating with the slut and falling for her and then proceeded to ignore me because she didn't even want him talking to me, which actually worked to my advantage because it allowed me to detach a lot quicker and easier. I have never looked back and don't intend to start now and if he was waiting for me to say what a great guy he is and how lucky his slut is, he's got another d@mn thing coming. He's a sorry sack of crap and a poor excuse for both a husband and a man. I know d@mn good and well, little miss slutty thing is supporting his dead weight @ss just like I did, the only difference being, she makes better money than I did, but mostly because of where she lives. And, they live cheaply enough because they live in a house that she inherited from family, so other than property taxes (which I'm sure are a LOT higher than they are in AR), they aren't paying anything for their living expenses. He threw in something about "flying home" for something and I thought if that was supposed to make me jealous, nah....pass. I don't need to fly to feel good about myself.
He really did do me a favor in divorcing me. I would've stayed on because I was loyal. We lived through a lot of sh!t together and I would've stuck it out. But it is what it is. Because of his selfishness and cheating, I got to move HOME and be near my family. I got to apply for (and got) my dream job of working at the college level. And, when the time was right, a really awesome guy strolled into my life and captured my heart. Sure, I'm moving again, but not hours away from home like I did before. I am moving to a lovely 40 acre "retreat" in the middle of the woods on a beautiful river that is going to be an amazing place to call home as Sparky and I grow old together. Life really is good for me right now, even if there are these colossal WTF moments occasionally.
Me 50, H52 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 4 grandkids (plus 2 on the way)