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I do feel though that I am not pursuing - well I certainly don't FEEL like I am as much now, at least.
I am coping better with not talking to her, and not reaching out. Only responding when she contacts me (and even then I deliberately wait several hours to respond). My emails to her are polite, short, but business-like now. I don't tend to text her now.
I do own what I did. I'm not in denial that I hurt her, and did things I shouldn't have done. I felt guilt and remorse for the distress it caused her, wished I'd sorted it our sooner. But I have accepted and acknowledged my actions. That's the past. I'm in the present now and sorting everything out for myself (IC, etc.). I've decided I'm not going to let it get me down during my GALing.
I don't feel I'm helping her that much - certainly not as much as I did when we were together anyway.
There are lots of things that she will struggle with, and I know that. I don't intend to assist in any way with those, as it's her decision to do those things and make her life more complicated.
I could spend hours at home every day worrying about what she's thinking or saying to her family, siblings, friends, work colleagues about me behind my back. But I am not. That is a complete waste of my energy, not productive, and won't improve the situation. I have decided not to be affected by it. I AM a good person, and feel a lot lighter now I've been on my own for these 4 months.
My plan on Sunday: clean car, new clothes, cologne on, positive, 'act as if', confident, lots of good news to fire off if she asks. No intention of discussing R. Decide on selling agent together. Tell her to contact them directly to confirm, as it's her project. Get my mail and parcels, plus take some instruments out the garage as I need them for some gigs I've got soon. Leave. I intend on being there less than an hour, if that. I've made plans for the evening so I have an excuse to not hang around.
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020