I'm feeling SUPER overwhelmed right now and I'm not handling it well. I had a bit of a breakdown Saturday, crying in front of Sparky at the just overwhelming task of getting his house all cleaned out and fixed up and getting me moved in as soon as possible to consolidate bills. It doesn't help that we have family plans to add to the mix every weekend this month. When his grandparents passed and left him the house, he moved all of their stuff that his mom and her sister wanted to go through into the 2 spare bedrooms that he wasn't using and just closed the doors. Well, now, there are 2 rooms full of sh!t to go through and he doesn't really want to let his mom go through it because he knows she'll want to keep a bunch of stuff for no good reason. Keeping pictures and those sorts of things is obviously a no-brainer, but we are talking old dollar store knick knacks and old worn out clothes and that sort of thing, but his mom is a bit of a hoarder. So, we are trying to navigate those waters while deciding what actually needs to be kept. We are also having to do some repairs to get things back into a good condition and it is all taking a little longer than I had hoped.
His house is old, but in decent shape for its age and we look forward to doing little upgrade projects to put out own stamp on it, so I'm trying to focus on that and not feeling so overwhelmed, which doesn't do anyone any good. LOL I know that once we get over the hump and get out from under my house our finances will line out and we'll be in great shape, but the next month or so is going to require some interesting accounting and budgeting skills on both of our parts.
I have ordered a couple of really nice canvas prints to hang in our living room and I have been looking at furniture online to see what I like. His grandmother had 2 beautiful red velvet Queen Anne chairs that he wants to keep. They are not at all my taste, but I can appreciate the beauty and craftsmanship of them and they likely cost a fortune when she bought them. Off the living room, there is a small den and I told him that would be the perfect place to put those chairs, along with an antique chest of drawers and an antique dressing table that were a part of his great grandmother's bedroom suite that he wants to keep. The chest of drawers is kind of short, so it will make a nice table to sit between the chairs and put a lamp on it so you can sit and read or drink coffee and look out over the wooded area behind the house from the big picture window in the den. We can use the drawers for extra storage, which is ALWAYS a good thing. We are going to use the dressing table as a bar cart. When I went on my trip to Houston, I brought him back a couple of souvenirs that I picked up in an antique shop.....one was a pair of decanters that were painted with a pretty tie-dye look (Sparky is a hippy artist, so as soon as I saw them, I thought of him) and a couple of whiskey glasses that are etched "his" and "hers". We are using "gold" (gold toned) serving platters and trays for our wedding, so I told him the decanters and glasses would be pretty on a gold tray sitting somewhere and the idea of the bar cart was born, but the dressing table will work also and it will be a nice way to tie in the old and new. He's pretty much left the decorating to me and I appreciate that, but I want his stamp on it too. Not just mine. Once the weather cools off, we will have a LOT of work to do outside as well, replacing boards on the deck, fixing up the front porch. He wants to actually build a wrap-around porch. Right now there is a very small front porch and then a deck on one end of the house that protrudes out into the front yard kind of making the roof line a big L shape, with the little part of the L being the covered deck. There is a small storage building behind the house plus an old garage and a small workshop that we will probably have to tear down because it is pretty dilapidated. The garage and shed are in great shape, though.
Lots of work to do, but that kind of strikes me as a metaphor for life in general for some reason right at this moment. Things that are worth generally are a lot of work. It is just a fact of life. I know that with time, money, and elbow grease, we can make this house into a really nice place for ourselves that we can be proud of and enjoy. Sure, it needs some work now because his grandmother lived there and it still has her stamp on it....70's paneling, couch with big flowers, tons of mismatched dishes from sets purchased and broken through the years and miscellaneous glass objects that make little sense like the giant glass grapes and the 2 giant roosters that I found sitting on the built-in buffet in the dining room. We will keep what we can as an homage to Sparky's ancestors and we will either donate the rest to others who can use it or we will sell it, if we might be able to make money from it to put back into the paint and other supplies we need to freshen up the house.
I KNEW Saturday, after I had my little breakdown and got upset, when we were just chatting about something and his mom said something about it was going to be a lot of work and he said "ain't no step for a stepper" that it was ALL going to be ok, because that is one of my dad's most favorite sayings in the world and he says it all the time when he's facing a big task. It IS going to be a lot of work and it is NOT going to all be sunshine and roses. We will likely argue over something during all of this and there will be tears (on my part because I'm a crier) and cussing. We will disagree about some things, though for the most part, we remain on the same page about almost everything, which is a really cool place to be. Our first hurdle will likely be a coffee table because there is one in the living room currently and I do NOT like coffee tables. Of course, most of the houses I have lived in as an adult, really haven't had a living room that was big enough or laid out in such a way that easily accommodated a coffee table without it just being in the way. But we will work through that just like we will work through everything else because our lives are truly becoming one and that is a great feeling. And, besides, "ain't no step for a stepper".
Me 50, H51 3 adult daughters from XH's first marriage (plus 4 grandkids) Divorce final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 1 adult daughter and bonus daughter-in-law from current H's first marriage