Originally Posted by Maika
From your previous post, it sounds like you've already communicated that to her, correct? So, now you can only see from her actions whether or not she can meet you where you need her to be.

I've been thinking about actions over words a lot lately - seems like the gold standard.
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I am also wondering if her desire to reconcile is coming from a place of desperation rather than genuine reflection on what her contributions to the deterioration of the marriage. If as you say that she hasn't gone through that process herself, I would put her desire to reconcile in the 'suspect' pile because she truly doesn't know what she needs to do for herself to be a better partner. An offhand comment about more sex is just a quick response rather than thinking about dynamics of intimacy in your marriage.



In years of MC I told her what I wanted, and needed out of our relationship, but she was as close minded as I was. That's why it was far more impactful for me when I figured out where I failed, and I'd like for her to look back and figure it out so it has the same impact. I have not communicated my needs since we stopped going to MC years ago.

Action over words..... boy, that's a big one. She talks a really good game, but frankly, is a little wanting when it comes time for action. And I appreciate that it's something I need to watch out for. Thanks for the reminder.

I think you're exactly right about her desire to reconcile coming from a place of desperation. I don't think she's thought much on what her contributions were to the deterioration of the marriage, and my desire to have her spend some time thinking about it is an attempt to get her do reflect on just that.


M:23 T:26
Me:53, Wife: 60
S:18
D:16
filed 7/16
W moved out 4/28/17