I really miss exh at times like these, to talk over these very personal things and help sort through it, although it's been far longer than since BD since he was really present..
I hope at least bttrfly that your physical health and infections are all on the mend right now. I'm also glad to hear that your mom is doing better too.
Yeah - I think for me that the whole not having someone to talk to thing is huge as well. It's one of the reasons I come here I know. And like you, my ex distanced herself from me well before bomb-day as she had found someone else to talk to and I was left on my own. It was certainly one of the things that was missing between B and I where I found it impossible to explain what was going on with my work etc in a way that made sense to her. Heck - it doesn't make sense to me a lot of the time - so perhaps an item for a list of my own and undoubtedly for you too.
I agree with job that getting your home organized will undoubtedly help too. I do know that for me that clutter - and this will sound weird coming from me - disturbs how I feel the energy of my environment around me. Be kind to yourself. Once your nest is in order your mind will also find it's own order.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells