AS and R2c, thank you for your comments and welcome.

Thanks for the quotes link- Ive already been through them they are gold. When I have a little more time Id like to put some things to you about confidence and leadership so I could get some feedback.

Noted as to keep listening. It probably was lost in my long post but during the M I was the listener she was the talker. A complaint was we dont communicate. When I used to talk she would glaze over and not seem interested etc. recently she said I was closed off and emotionally unavailable, and that she debriefed and vented with colleagues, not me, even though I was there for her to talk whenever she needed. Indeed when she would come home Id go outside and greet her at the carport and she d start venting from there. She would sometimes call at work and Id always be available to talk about anything. I dont know if this is rewriting history and or projection on her part? I dont understand what she means by emotionally unavailable.

I thought maybe if I talked about the things I learned recently about my childhood and deeper psychological matters that would be a good thing particularly if she asked. One complaint was I never faced conflict and would disappear to our room, which I sometimes did do. I discovered this was something I did as a little boy when my parents fought and was my default reaction to conflict. I explained that discovery to her and the strategies Id learned to confront rather than avoid, and to examine the subconscious story behind undersirable R behaviour. I told her that I had no idea how impactful our childhood is to our behaviour and an R relationship and its not our fault about my childhood but its my
Responsibility to do something to address it.

Thanks again for any feedback kind regards

Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24