AS and R2c, thank you for your comments and welcome.
Thanks for the quotes link- I’ve already been through them they are gold. When I have a little more time I’d like to put some things to you about confidence and leadership so I could get some feedback.
Noted as to keep listening. It probably was lost in my long post but during the M I was the listener she was the talker. A complaint was we don’t communicate. When I used to talk she would glaze over and not seem interested etc. recently she said I was closed off and emotionally unavailable, and that she debriefed and vented with colleagues, not me, even though I was there for her to talk whenever she needed. Indeed when she would come home I’d go outside and greet her at the carport and she ‘d start venting from there. She would sometimes call at work and I’d always be available to talk about anything. I don’t know if this is rewriting history and or projection on her part? I don’t understand what she means by emotionally unavailable.
I thought maybe if I talked about the things I learned recently about my childhood and deeper psychological matters that would be a good thing particularly if she asked. One complaint was I never faced conflict and would disappear to our room, which I sometimes did do. I discovered this was something I did as a little boy when my parents fought and was my default reaction to conflict. I explained that discovery to her and the strategies I’d learned to confront rather than avoid, and to examine the subconscious story behind undersirable R behaviour. I told her that I had no idea how impactful our childhood is to our behaviour and an R relationship and it’s not our fault about my childhood but it’s my Responsibility to do something to address it.
Thanks again for any feedback kind regards
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24