You guys are pretty amazing. I know everything you are saying is absolutely correct. It doesnít have to do with me. Thatís something missing with us is HIM, his inability to be a proper partner with someone who is emotionally healthy for the most part. I went through the maybe he wasnít giving me what I needed and put me on the back burner often because he didnít feel enough love for me.
I was the one who wasnít happy. And maybe he sensed that and knew that and thatís what was making him feel something was off.
He is not properly equipped for a true partnership. He says all the right things. But in reality, he cant follow through, he is freakní Self absorbed. I never mentioned it , but when we would talk and I would start to say something about ME he would actually cut me off and start talking about him. Like mid sentence. Like he was never even listening It was always about him. As his life was the only one that mattered. And I think he tried to make mine matter but couldnít.
The hardest part will be his sudden turn and all the talk about how much he loved me and how lucky he was to have me and the future planning days before. Itís hard to grasp. Then his sudden coldness.
But I am staying strong. I am not reaching out. There is nothing more to say. And even if he realized he made a big mistake ( which he wonít ) he is not the one for me. Iíll never trust him again. And someone who would do that to his child and mine, is someone not welcomed back into our lives. We are too precious . I believed he was serious when he spoke of how serious the kid thing. And that is total BS about me ďmaking him feel badĒ I know for a fact he told his son about bonus mom. My heart breaks for the loss of that kid. I loved him. But to be honest we do not have the same parenting styles at all. He has never experienced real parenting. And he has this ideal about how itís supposed to be done, and honestly, he is in for a rude awakening. The day he has to get up, get his kid ready for school and put the door so he could get to work, he can come talk to me. He was very fortunate for him to have me in his sons life. I am a great mom.
He lives with his mom because they sold the house in the divorce because it made sense because she has a 4 bedroom house and well, he needed help with his son. Oh, and he wanted to show his son a ďpartnership.
I realize he was willing to compromise nothing for us. Everyone saw that. My friends, my dad. And they all got scared it would be an ex situation again. I was too.
Oh, and on a funny note..... I guess my friends finally decided to say it out loud and mention how physically, Iím out of his league. I always found him attractive physically, probably because I thought he was such a wonderful guy. It turns out I must have my blinders on or something, lol. I tend to look into the soul. I remember once D11 texted a pic with him in it to her friend and her friend said ď he looks oldĒ the hard part is I am left here out of shape and back on the market. He convinced me to not replace my breast implants because he cared so much and it was the right thing to do for me and him. It was the right decision for ME and I donít regret, but why even put your two cents into surgery on my body when you arenít happy anyways? And I will remember how he treated me during that time. Made it about HIM. And his ex wife. Didnít reach out to me the night before the surgery nor the morning before. He stayed with me after but was ready to run out that Sunday.
And my friend made a good point. He should have done this before Nashville! I should have been a single woman on that trip! I am so loyal, I didnít play with strippers whereas single Ginger would have been giving them lap dances. A came up behind me dancing and I walked away. Single Ginger would have had some fun dancing!
My lesson learned is that when my needs arenít being met and it doesnít feel good, that itís. It me being needy. Itís ok to speak up or get out. I am not changing the way I love. I love wholly, I donít play games, and to the correct strong confident man, everything will be ďrightĒ about that.
Thanks for letting me ramble. It helps to write this out. Today Iím off and Iím getting a pedi, then D 11 and some friends and I are going to the mall. Iím going to treat myself to something that makes me feel good. I canít afford to fall in a deep depression. Iím going to do whatever I can to fight it. As much as I know I wasnít happy, I didnít see this coming and with what we had invested I thought we would work through it. But he had other plans and I need to just say goodbye