I'm going to have to call bull sh!t on his thing about being "forced" into introducing his son because you "made him feel bad" and he went against his gut on several levels. First and foremost, he's a grown a$$ man and if he feels strongly about something and doesn't want to do it, then he shouldn't do it, no matter what. To say that you "forced" him and "made him feel bad"...dude.....WTF????? That seems pretty wussy if he can be forced and guilted into stuff. I'm sorry, but I just can't even with that crap excuse. He needs to man up and own it. Second, his making him feel bad malarkey doesn't add up with HIM talking to his son about you being his "bonus mom". I'm sorry, but a 5 year old kid doesn't come up with that by himself. And, why would you bother telling a kid that if you were guilted into introducting your kid to someone and spending time with them? Not just no, but H#LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL no!

I have to agree with Don and J9 on this one point: I do really think he loved you. I just think he loved you on HIS level, not yours and y'all are on different levels, if that makes sense. I don't think he was ready for an R, but liked the idea of one with you because you are an amazing woman and I do think he felt lucky to have found such a gem. I just don't think he was as capable as he thought he was of giving love.

(((((((G)))))))) I'm proud of you for blocking him and for not reaching out again. Keep it up. I know that took a ton of strength but it was the right thing. You may never, ever know all the real reasons behind why this happened, but as everyone before me said, it is NOT about you. It is about him. He is NOT ready for an R and while it seems colossally unfair for him to do what he did, I don't think he even realized he wasn't ready for 1 until he was in too deep. I think that, in time, you will see that you are better off because your recent posts have NOT been happy ones. You've tried to put on a brave face for us, but you spent a lot of time posting about his distance, him being put off and most recently his lack of skills and care when you reached out needing some validation and concern from your partner (which is exactly what a good partner SHOULD do).

Trusting again will be difficult, particularly given your recent luck, but PLEASE, please, please remember that his actions were not at all about you. I know you want to blame yourself and you will feel bad. Like I told Andrew the other day, it is ok to mourn the loss of what might have been, grieve the man you loved, just wallow in it for a day or so, but do not, under any circumstances, unpack and live there. Just don't do it! You are amazing, beautiful, smart, funny, and you absolutely rock. Do not let this man, this person who either couldn't (or just hadn't for whatever reason) done the work HE needed to do to get past his D and be ready for and actively participate in an R dull your shine. I have suspected for awhile now that he wasn't for you because you felt guilty about asking for what you needed and even when you did ask, while he would respond in the immediate, over time, he would fall back into his former patterns that didn't really work for you.

You are AMAZING, G. Don't let him take that away from you. Stay strong on keeping him blocked. He's not worth your time or attention because you are light years ahead of him in every sense.


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014