Thank you all. I didnít sleep much last night, I woke up in the middle of the night just replaying everything. Trying to see if i missed something . The love he expressed making future plans etc. the last time I saw him he was putting everything together for our shed project. He would tell me he is so happy and so lucky. Then out of the blue he tells me something is missing in the relationship and he wants to end it. After a year. Telling me how he loves me, bringing us with him on vacation telling me how when we left our abcense was felt. Future plans. And then he tells me that whole time he wasnít sure what he wanted. Tell me he is in this for the long run. A bunch of future plans he talked about Sunday, then Monday he was shady and Thursday I was dumped

I still baffled and something still does feel like itís adding up. He discarded me with such ease. Out of no where. I feel like I let him off easy with the text breakup because he wanted to do it in person , but next week.

I honestly feel this was cruel. It felt cruel and cold.

But i know I wasnít all that happy. I was happy together, it not apart. I gave too much got to little once again. I never gave up, I remained committed and gave him my all. I respected his needs his desire to go slow because I really did think it would pay off.

I feel like the whole last year of my life was sort of prank and I have to just forget it now. In a blink of an eye, I lost him, I lost his son, and I lost his family. And I feel like it never really existed.

I feel sick. I canít eat. I have to go about my plans and move on. Life existed before him and it will exist after him.

I am also thinking maybe he met someone else. When people turn the light switch, thatís usually what happens.

Iíll never quite know what happened here. Iíll never know if it was all real or just a lie. But that guy yesterday was not the guy Iíve been dating for a year. But I know I couldnít have anything differently or better. Maybe I didnít play enough hard to get or I gave too much, but itís who I am and the right guy wonít run from that.

Iím still in a bit of shock I think.

I had to block his texts and his social media. I know me. I canít handle it. And Iím going to delete his number although I feel I donít have the strength to delete his texts and the picture on it. I took the necklace he gave me off and tucked it away. I have to go cold turkey.

I was so horribly deceived and it hurts more than anything