No I think you're like most people, not just women. Everyone wants to feel loved and appreciated. there are some guys (and probably gals too) who think that once they are in a committed relationship they don't need to do the work anymore. That isn't true snd only leads to hurt and resentment.
I'm hesitant to say this because I don't want to put any fuel on a fire, but you haven't even been together a year yet. WAaaay too early in the game for this behavior. Just because you're a strong and capable woman doesn't mean you want to always have to be that - it's nice for strong capable women to have a partner to lean on too. Nothing wrong with that at all. Did his wife complain about this trait, do you know? His "you've got this" was in all likelihood meant as a compliment, but not what you wanted from him.
There's a lot that's great about this relationship, so I think it's worth considering how much you want to be the one teaching relationship skills, and how long you're going to give him to learn how you want to be treated.
xoxoxo I'm sorry you're going through this xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ BD 4/6/15 D Final 12/23/16
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi