Ginger - sorry to hear you are stressed.

I think you should use this as a sort of test. We all need to be in relationships where we can communicate our needs and have them met. If you are often presenting as strong and “I have everything under control” then he may think all is good. But of course when you communicate you are stressed and then he does meet your needs, it’s probably time to communicate and see what is under the surface.

I suggest you think about what you need from him and communicate it clearly. If he can’t do this, you have someone who is probably not compatible: maybe because of his divorce or maybe he doesn’t have the goods.

But, maybe with clear/kind communication he can step up to the plate!

You don’t know until you probe. You may want to ask if you are meeting his needs. There may be things you do that he does not need while he prefers other things. I think relationships require request status updates on both sides.

It is not about him mind reading what you need. It’s about how you two work through problems.

Hope things settle for you...


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced