You are all so right. I married a man where it was all about his world and mine meant nothing. I married a man who left me in the middle of my others wake because “he had friends coming over for a BBQ” I thought it was different with M. While he would never take it to that extreme, I guess a part of me feels it happening again. And when I truly needed my ex through IVf and my pregnancy, he ran into the arms of another woman. So my track record of needing something from someone hasn’t left me in such a hot position.
And yes, I believe I have tools he never gained from his witch. Being here has really armed me with those for new R’s. And yes, Job, I do think a part of this had to do with his divorce. He does mean well, I think he is oblivious to it, and I am scared of how he will react when I point it out. But as J said, if his reaction is bad over this, it tells me a lot.
I am going to take a little bit of all your approaches. I actually cut him off in the middle of him telling me about his kayaking trip with his buddy yesterday ( yup, Sunday without a kid was a day he kayaked well into the night) and I said “I’m out of work, I’m going to go attack my to do list, talk to you late” his response was “enjoy” I have no intentions of reaching out to him until he comes to me. I need the focus to be on ME. But when he does come o me, I am calmly tell him how his actions made me feel. He needs to know, whether or not it’s something he will ever change, who knows. Is it only because he is so deep in his own poop? Or is this him? Time will tell.
I do love him. But I want a partner. One I can lean on when I need it.