Job is absolutely correct. He's not going to change. It's who he is.
One thing that we can lose sight of here is that we're the ones that have "done the work", examined our entrails, discussed and followed the community wisdom of what works and what doesn't. 99% of the rest of the world hasn't.
If you don't think he's "getting it" - that's because he's not. He doesn't have the same set of tools that you have built up over the years both by practicing it yourself and by helping others here and presumably IRL.
Over the past couple of years, I'd like to think that I've gotten to know you somewhat. You alternate between the brash "tell it like it is" gal and the one who walks on eggshells and is afraid of upsetting or offending people. You certainly at least from this viewpoint seem to be trying to not break any eggs.
I do think that one thing all of us who are considering re-partnering need to keep in mind is that generally speaking, all of us who are out there are damaged goods of one sort or another. "Land of the misfit toys" I believe that someone once called the mature dating scene.
I know that you are a loving and caring person. I also know that you have a number of insecurities about all sorts of things and being brushed off absolutely doesn't help that. M is undoubtedly dealing with a cr@p load of stuff himself.
As job suggests, while you can count on M for practical things most of the time, the sort of emotional support you need is something that he doesn't have the bandwidth for right now and perhaps doesn't even have the tools to do what you are wanting him to do.
I don't know what the answer is though.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells