Record of my state of mind 2 years after BD and waiting for final D:
Zero bitterness. Zero anger. No bad feelings toward ex at all.
Although I still believe in family values, I accept that some people may prefer to be single or to have more freedom. Nothing wrong with that. Unluckily for me, my ex bought into that idea. Itís her right and her choice.
For the first time, I think Iím ready to be just a friend with her. I donít feel jealousy if she has a new relationship. I donít feel any need to prove anything to her.
Also, more than any time before, Iím starting to plan for my life going forward without fear of losing her forever and without regret for what we had before. E.g. Iím thinking of selling the house, moving closer to my work and to university campuses.
And I am now rethinking whether I really would want to remarry again. Like the guy said in the MR wheel video that someone had posted on my last thread (before being removed), it might be insanity to do the same thing again and expect a different result. Lol
Since I am against relationships outside of a marriage, this means I am considering just staying single for the rest of my life. Although I would miss companionship and especially the small things, like having brief intimate conversations and sharing day to day life, I am also enjoying my freedom. At my age (49 heading into my 50s), I think I can live without physical intimacy. I wouldnít have said that 20 years ago
Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14 BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017 Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019