Summary to date: W was unhappy in 2018 and probably a few years earlier about her lack of career advancement, responsibilities of being a mother and wife, and lack of connection in our MR. She became involved in an EA with a co-worker in August. She was going to an IC without my knowledge and came to the determination that I was the cause of her unhappiness. BD and IHS in November. I made all of the classic mistakes of begging, pleading, doing all the chores, etc. She became obsessed with her physical appearance. Spending money on facial treatments, anti-aging creams, manicures, pedicures, etc. In November, she was seduced by a 25 year old pickup artist (OM1) at a downtown bar one night and had a PA a couple weeks later which evolved into a limerant relationship. W went deeply underground with her smartphone when I found out and confronted. She has experienced the highest of highs when OM contacts her and the lowest of lows when ignored. She has transferred the limerance to OM2/3 and had at least a second PA. OM1 may still be in contact with her as well. W has distanced herself from anyone of strong moral character and primarily interacts with a recently divorced woman that became her BFF last year. She has been turned on to a GGW lifestyle with sexting, going out more often, and trolling for and probably hooking up with guys on dating apps. She blatantly would text OM and divorced BFF for hours in front of me the last 2 months living together prior to physical separation. W bought her own house and moved out in early April and has been living there for the past 8 weeks. We have arranged 50/50 custody of our kids, S8 and D4, rotating every few days.
I would characterize myself of experiencing PTSD symptoms after BD/PA discovery for about 4 months. Way too much pursuit, pressure, and R talk. I became obsessed with snooping and trying to identify and over-analyze everything that went wrong in our MR that led us to this state. In doing so, I pushed her farther and farther away. I've heard just about every WW catch phrase from her along with way. She has re-written our MR history and focuses on all the negatives. I've been doing a much better job of GAL and detaching since late February. Contact right now is like a business relationship, mostly limited to co-parenting and logistics. I confronted her in early May about no longer living in an open marriage. Her response was basically laughter and she said if you want a divorce, then she's all for it. That night she sent me an email requesting that I gather all of my financial records and decide what items I want to keep by the end of May. She hasn't mentioned it since, and it remains to be seen whether she will bring it up in the next few days.
I don't know if she is still engaged in EAs/PAs with OM, but I assume she is. When we do interact, she generally treats me nice, but that could be because her horse is at our marital home and I help take care of it while she has free reign to come and ride it when she pleases.
I've received a ton of great advice from this board. Some of which I've had a hard time following explicitly. I am not fully detached and continue to be disrespected by my WW on occasion. I do have a hard time employing tough love, it's just not in my nature. My focus right now is to leave her alone as much as possible and give her Time and Space. My ultimate goal is to attract her back to the point she is willing to work on our issues and R and we enjoy a new MR that gives us both the happiness we want.
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20