Originally Posted by SoTorn
Originally Posted by neffer
Thats the usual path. Its guilt driven mindreading so as to justify WW/WAS behaviors. I did those exact things when my WWs times. Nothing original, the good all waywardness stereotypes.

These are her feelings actually so validate what needs to be validated. Then get out of it.

They are absolutely valid feelings. I validated my EXWW's feelings, but I wouldn't validate her assumptions. That would piss her off something fierce. That is something that I still struggle with. I am happy to validate her feelings, but she mixes in her assumptions and lies about me into her feelings. She will say "You just used me". I never did, so I am not going to agree to that. I reply with "I am sorry you feel that way". But she gets mad because she wants me to fight and argue or just say "I am sorry I used you", which isnt true at all.

The wayward mindset IMHO is a serious mental disorder. It completely rewires the WS brain.

They are totally her feelings! It took me a while to understand the difference between her feelings/perceptions and mine and how they could be different but yet correct. This is a recent revelation for me and its helped me tremendously to let go.

This is the crux of my point in the comments in the posts above:

I would validate her statement "I feel like you don't trust me". Me: "You are saying that your trust in me is eroded. I see how you could feel that way. What can we do to improve our trust in each other?"

I would not validate the statement "I know you don't trust me". Me: Says Nothing.

Problem for me right now is almost all statements are the latter vice the former. Thus our communication is very hit or miss.

Me40; W38; S12; D9
BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18
D Final 7/2020
Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.