Seems like things all come in clusters. I've had a really chill, lazy, boring last couple of months, with not much to talk about on here. The weather has not helped - here we are 10 days from June and it was in the 40s last night and is dark and dreary at 55 again now. It's sort of how I've felt a bit too. Not a lot of ambition. Certainly no ambition to date - even with needing to wash, rinse and repeat from a year ago and find another cruise date for the January 2020 cruise.

So this past weekend was my niece/God daughters wedding. She's a bit young (in my eyes) at 23 but is marrying a great guy who just became a dentist. And it's around this that my post will center. I could talk about the wedding and how amazing it is to again see how things look when they start. It's amazing to watch a ceremony (I've not been for quite a few years now) and how everything is viewed as life long, and great and love and forever. Then real life kicks in.

I could talk about a woman I was sort of paired with at the wedding. Long story but a good friend of my brother and SIL. She has two awesome, but still pre-teen, kids and is still married (technically) to a friend of my brothers since grade school, whom I also know. They have vacationed together, are on volleyball together, etc. My parents know them and vise versa, etc. They were a seemingly great family of four. But bad timing - well that and she's a foot taller than me - LOL - okay not a foot but almost felt that way in heels. LOL. Just totally bad timing and I'd not want to get involved with anyone going through a D let alone a close friend of the family but it was nice to kinda sorta of have a companion for the rehearsal dinner and we sat together and hung out a bit at the wedding - even danced with her a bit. Will see if it goes anywhere. Does not appear she has an OM. Not sure about him or what happened. Everyone on the outside is shocked as there was zero outward sign that there was any trouble. She's either doing really well or acting as if - faking it until she makes it - which is what my SIL believes to be the case. But she seemed to handle it really well - clearly much better than i did 3 months after. Anyhow, maybe more about her at some point in the future.

I could talk about my flat tire Friday night, trying to change it in a downpour, finding out the rim lock lug key is stripped and I can't get the tire off. Grrrrrrrrrr

But instead I'll talk about my step D. I first met her well over 20 years ago now when she was 9. We've not been as close as we once were again until about a year ago. She's turned into an amazing woman with a great husband - who performed with me for the wedding ceremony. So......... It was learning about her mom, my ex wife - wow I mean wow - that has surprised me - even if it should not. I perhaps should be doing back flips but I'm not. Now with my step D struggling with him mom, I'm only getting her side of the story but it's things that have been repeated to me many times in the past, sometimes hinted, many phrases repeated.

Anyhow, it sounds like my ex W's third D might be on the way. She has seen her grandson (my step Ds 4 year old) about 5 times in his life. The last time he asked who this person was and was told "that's your grandmother" to which he said "She's not my grandmother, she is" - pointing to his fathers mom, who sees him several times a week. The discussion was flattering to me - how thankful she was for growing up with me as a role model. Thankful for, other than one huge misstep with my addiction, my always being there for her. Her husband is very blunt and outspoken but often on target. He's befuddled how I could even chose someone like my ex to date let alone marry her. They told me of affairs that have since been well confirmed and some admitted. I had no idea! I suspected one or two but never thought that A) friends of mine would sleep with my wife and B) my wife would sleep with friends of mine. They wonder how I put up with it for as long as I did. When i mentioned a few things about other women I've dated even step D said "Do you see red flags here Don?" Wise girl. I could go on and on, and perhaps if this discussion goes anywhere I will.

It really hit me more on Saturday, a bit on Sunday but less now today. It's also so far behind me. Something that I rarely think about these days. Until a funeral 5 or 6 months ago, I had not had any contact with my ex for many years - 5 at the very least? So I'm sort of in some ways being told, yet again, "Don be glad you got away and finally dodged this bullet." I'm being told, Don, you were not the problem, SHE was. Yet how I see it is how was I soooooo stupid to chose her in the first place - or let her talk me into the R, staying and then getting married. I also have never been one to dodge blame. There were things that I clearly did and should not have - ways I acted that I never should have. Things I did, messed up priorities. I've always taken full responsibility - yet at least according to these people, I'm the victim.

I was told of recent stories with her drinking and making a scene. Stories of her crying, drunk, saying she stilled loved her first husband! Her big deal now is advocating for the Downs Syndrome Association after adopting a child with Downs. I was told of how she was secretly going to a fertility clinic prior to the adoption, while telling others she's not trying to get pregnant. Not sure if husband #3 was aware? Very much makes me wonder if she lied to me about being on birth control in hopes of getting pregnant while we were married - even though I clearly did not want a child. Just what or who was I married to? Neary all if not all of her friends back when we were married are no longer in her life. Her D is really no longer in her life. Her grand children are not Her son is but he's a very go with the flow type of guy.

A lot to continue to process. On the upside, I see an even stronger R with my step-daughter and family going forward. Her husband and I (both professional musicians that also currently have or have had other careers). He tells me he's always looked up to me and had my back. I do remember him calling ME to ask permission to marry my step-daughter. I was shocked when he did that and it was never expected, but very much appreciated. I've already seen her son more than his actual grandmother has I guess. Not as much with their daughter but she's just starting to walk. My parents were thrilled to see them and could not stop talking about how great of an adult she's become.

Maybe I'll have more to say on all of this. Maybe more of a friendship will develop with the family friend as her D progresses. If anything I'd love to offer DR up to her and any support - something I would have loved to have had when I went through it.

But for now though, I'm just going to get my tire fixed. It's about all I can handle at this moment. LOL


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D