Just finished reading your update, wow! Sounds like your W may be a controlling, manipulative narcissist. Sometimes it's hard to tell but some of the stories like the one surrounding the boob job certainly point to that. Often the victim of a narcissist blames themselves, because narcissists are masters of laying on the guilt trips. It's not until they get away from the narcissist and "deprogram" themselves that they start seeing their relationship in a different light. Glad to hear you are feeling better about yourself!
Me: 59 w/ S17, D23, D26 Current R: 4 years Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56