I gotta say this sounds like me. Lots of attempts at controlling her, lots of pursuit, fear and a lying cheater. Oh and you write a lot haha.
Stop pursuing her completely. She's gonna wonder why you don't want her anymore and dangle bait to make you think she's interested, but don't take the bait. Always take time to consider instead.
Trust me, in time, you will be better than you've ever been. How tall are you? I'm thinking you may need to hit the weights and eat healthy to put some lbs back on. I've been doing this for a year now and the sooner you get tough the better. I have this amazing ability to overlook the things I don't want to believe in my ditch, don't be like me. Remember, there's lots of pretty, smart, funny, and kind women out there but your W is not the person you think she is.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.