Choppy, yes I fully threw myself into DBing. GAL (which was never a problem for me, but I doubled down on it), 180s (I had a lot of bad behaviors to correct), and detaching. I struggled to detach, like most LBSs do. I read a book that opened my eyes to true detachment, referring to it as self-differentiation in marriage (Google that). Once I got good at differentiation and loving, emotional detachment, my situation turned around. And quickly.

Please note, my sitch was EXTREMELY rare in how quickly it resolved itself. I think part of that was that part of it was brought on by her impending 50th birthday. Once her birthday came and went, along with the changes I instituted, she seemed to come out of her fog relatively quickly. Please do not expect your W to turnaround that fast, it is EXTREMELY rare. I even hesitate to mention it most of the time as to not give LBSs overambitious expectations. You may need to DB for months or years. And it may never work on your spouse, but I guarantee you that it will work on you!

Everyone that DBs comes out a better person, whether they save their marriage or not. And they are much better prepared for their next relationship.


M(50), W(51),D(15)
M-20, T-22 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018