With CMM the clean freak stuff was present before his diagnosis - I'm pretty sure it's the reason he moved out of his last roommate situation into his own place. Ramped up maybe because of his lllness but not caused by it - he's OCD and can't admit it to himself. If I pet the dog I have to wash my hands before I touch CMM kind of OCD.
He's generally good and loving with me and doesn't direct his OCD at me. But his stubborn conviction that his way is the right way and his difficult interactions with others are a problem. If he wasn't sick, it's possible that the relationship would have burned out; or equally possible that without the stress of his illness these cracks wouldn't have appeared.
The question is moot though - he's ill with a life threatening disease and no real support system; I won't abandon him.
And don't worry, my boundaries are very healthy. I told him clearly last night that I did not appreciate him messing up our Valentine's evening over such penny ante complaints.