Low testosterone? The ancient Egyptians had a little-known cure for low testosterone. They'd beat their testicles with a rolled-up newspaper (well, it was actually a papyrus scroll) and then they'd apply a special secret elixir. What you do is beat those bad boys for about five minutes, morning and night, everyday and apply the elixir afterward. The secret elixir is just ground-up horseradish; the same stuff you can buy at the grocery store. Do that for about three weeks and you'll be hung like a silverback gorilla and you'll be producing superhuman doses of testosterone.

Disclaimer: Discuss the procedure with your doctor before trying it at home.