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I'm not so sure any of this matter anymore anyhow but I promised the rest of the story and I'm always a man of my word. So here is what I learned.
Actually, first, let's start back at my deal breakers. While they may have expanded a bit, back when WG and I went on our first date (the weekend after hanging out at the event we reconnected at) I told her that honesty is one. I told her that meant not only not lying but also not shading the truth or lying by omission. She very much agreed and said she hates lies. Second was smoking. I just despise it and could never be with a daily smoker. Her response was "well I'm not going to lie" (good start) "I like to have an occasional cigarette now and then. It relaxes me" she said. I know other people in this box and could live with it as long as I don't have to see or experience it. During the months we dated she never smoked although several times I wondered - including immediately after arriving at my house, giving me a very tight lipped kiss, and thinking I smelled something. Thursday night (the night before we left) I took a shower and came out. My outdoor automatic light was on and the front door was ajar. We had come home about a half hour earlier but I asked "Did you go outside" and got an immediate no. Hmmmmm. Well clearly she had and now I know why. Her just now and then is really like 5 times a day - everyday or at least thte 10 days we were together. Evidently she figured at this point there was no reason to hide it anymore. I have two deal breakers and she breaks both of them.
So, on Sunday (day two of the cruise) she had a long conversation with my close female friend - the one I took to lunch a few months ago. She told her that I would not commit. I found this very interesting as I was never asked to commit. My friend said how I had told her I could not get a hold of her and she would not return calls and was short with her texts. Of course she denied it to her - and later to me. Her side is that I stopped contacting her. Well, partly true and partly what I've believed and this coach says to do. After my last time at her house I texted I was home and never received a response. Prior to that she had also gone cold. Was it that I was on the phone too much? Well if so, why did it take nearly four months to be a problem? About all she could hang her hat on (and she loves to wear hats) was that I talked about taking her over night on a train trip to Chicago and never followed through. That was true but only because I could sense her distance. She never tried to reach out to me - why? We are both stubborn she claimed. I had a very popular post on FB that all of my friends liked and commented on - not WG. Then last week she brags about the post and how good it was. Oh, so you did see it. Why not like it. Again, she had no answer.
I don't want to give you my conclusion but what else is there? She lost interest. Or more so, this dude was entering the picture. He claims they started dating in August. She says he was just coming over to vent about his GF and even told me about "her buddy" coming over. He's a year younger than her. Lives in her city. Is never married. Wants to have a baby. I'm 13 years older. Live 70 minutes away. Don't want to get married let alone have a baby! He's clearly a better suited BF in those areas.
I brought up her comment the day after I asked her to go on the cruise of "What happens if we meet someone else?" She claims that was her hint that she wanted to be exclusive. I'm still not sure I buy it. Why then deny we are even dating - correcting me if I said we are dating to we are just hanging out.
In the end, I don't think she can even be honest about this. She doesn't want to say, perhaps doesn't want to hurt my feelings to say she's just not that into me or it was just a fun summer fling. That part might be nice of her but turning it around, now that she is "safe" to say, you let me get away, it's all your fault, had you not gotten distant I would have been all in. I think it's BS. Part of me does or did wonder perhaps I should have just said something back then to at least get to January. It would have given me more piece of mind. But would it? More likely she would have still cheated on me with this guy. Even her truth changes day to day. I think I would have been hurt in the end.
So it would be nice to learn from my "mistakes" or for the future but really all I'd be learning is how to deal with a personality I don't want to be with in the long term anyhow. At least she opened my eyes to potentially wanting more. I really did have fun. I could have done without the drama and the angst but nothing is perfect.
Anyhow, that's her story. It's senseless for me to try to argue it with her. She'd gaslight me or make it like trying to nail jello to the wall. One more before I end this post. She's off of work today due to the weather as are her girls (and pretty much all of my state as it's going to -27 again tonight). So she texted me that her mom really wants to get together with her to hear about the cruise. I'll likely see her parents this weekend. What must they think? Perhaps that thought should have hit me right away - but they spent the holidays with this guy but also know our history. What must her mom be thinking? Which then took me to, what must her daughters be thinking? What a terrible role model she is for them. Again, I know these girls, they know me. I've stayed at their house. The girls and parents know I'm not just "her buddy Don". So are they now forced to keep her secret? That stinks for them. That may be my biggest 2X4 for me in all of this. Thankfully her girls are more mature than she is in many ways. She says her mom is oblivious to it. I just don't buy it and most certainly her dad is not. I almost can't wait to talk to them - and to her aunt. This is so not me. I used to be so drama-free and so under the radar. Now I'm clearly on the radar and I don't like it at all - not one bit. A few of my friends who are in the know are also asking me and commenting that this is not like me.
It's time to move on and I most certainly will. And to think, Wild Girl was still one of the best if not the best choice available to me. Once again I just can't help but think, all of the good ones are taken for a reason. They may be available for a short window but not for long or at all - because they are too busy celebrating their 25th or 30th or 35th anniversary. Meanwhile, I'm still wondering what comes next - as my new thread title says. At least I'm learning and growing from it. I know none of us want to think it's the case but there really are more broken people out there than we think there are. 12 years since my D has most certainly proven that to me.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D