Originally Posted by ballast
so a bit later i'm getting ready to head into the office, i get a text say "i'm sorry i'm a bit overwhelmed by waking to 2 missed calls, 10 texts and you wanting to talk when i'm not really up yet, it's a bit overwhelming" so i called once and yes it could have been 10 texts, but i could have condensed it to 3-5 and for sure i had no expectation of her wanting to talk at that time. heck we had just agreed to email once we got to work.

B, hey count yourself lucky that she said something to you about it, that's a good sign. She could have just said nothing and let resentment build up over it. You didn't mention how you responded but hopefully it was something like "you're right, I'm sorry!" And then let it go. My girlfriend works contracting and keeps odd hours. Sometimes she doesn't get up until almost noon. By then I've usually been up 6-1/2 hours! I will text her a "good morning" when I get up. Sometimes something will come up that I want to text her about, but I've learned it's better to just wait because if I send her a bunch of texts then her reaction is exactly like that- overwhelmed. So I have a couple of very simple rules I follow. First, I never, ever send her more than two texts in a row without a response. Second, sometimes I don't text her until she texts me. So for example if I text her "good morning" and then later "hey did you notice XYZ is happening this weekend?" Then that is it until I get a reply, which could come several hours later because she's either asleep or working. And sometimes I don't even text her good morning because it's good for her to initiate sometimes. If I remember right you said she was a lot younger like my GF, right? She sees you as the older, mature, experienced, busy businessman. To her it seems a little weird if you are blowing up her phone. She EXPECTS you to be slow to reply and short with words even if she is overly chatty. So play into that. You remember the DB'ing rule about "sometimes reply right away, sometimes hours later and sometimes not at all if it's not important"? I still live by that, it works to keep you mysterious.

even though I don't feel like a missed call and 10 text messages is really overwhelming.

Well she told you it was overwhelming, so you need to learn from it and stop it, right? Again think about what her perception of you is, and be that. When you pursue, she pulls back. When you pull back, she pursues. So if she says you're being overwhelming then pull back and you'll probably find her being the one to send 10 texts.

Last edited by Cadet; 01/30/19 09:21 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message

Me: 59 w/ S17, D23, D26
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56