just a journal post...

D4 went back to W yesterday. D4 and I continue to have the best times together. it was the end of my first week of being a single dad and talking with Miss Sunshine. you read about being a single parent and dating, trying to balance the two given the demands on your schedule. until I experienced that this past week i didn't appreciate the words i had read. no issues at all really, Miss Sunshine understands my responsibilities and accepts them. the thing i need to focus on is that she is trying to get to know me and not right away D4 so when she and I speak I keep our convo mostly all about us. D4, well she is a smart cookie and is curious to whom it is I'm speaking with when the phone rings. as it is early days I simply tell her "Daddy is talking to a friend" and leave it at that. for me as a guy, prior to being on this board having cognizance about the needs and feelings of those people with whom i relationships with, i was clueless. now i have that inherent awareness AND desire to make sure that not only are my needs and feelings met, but so too the others in my life. Miss Sunshine speaks openly and honestly with me, provides words of praise and has shown herself to be apologetic even for when she has no need to be. good stuff is all I can say. I continue to be mindful to not get ahead of myself, not try to save her from her daily stresses and not put her on a pedestal. I do feel a more competent, valuable partner as a result of the knowledge I've gained from so many of you.

The other aspect...D4 continues to wish that we were a family still. The excitement of my new interest contrasts against D4's feelings and it makes it tough on me. There can only be one or the other, not both. While I'm free of the feelings of her mother, my heart does hurt and pull for D4's desires. I guess at the core of it, I continue to remind myself that it was not my decision to separate our family nor my decision to not try and save it. My having met Miss Sunshine didn't happen do to me being proactive in seeking her out, rather she found me when WW decided to set me free. It is a unique feeling living between the past and the future.


Me:34 W:40
M:7 T:8
D Final: 6/19