Originally Posted by ballast
I think the complete inability for an LBS to understand their WW is the greatest thing that locks us up in our mind and heart. As shown on here so many WW just go WAY past the level of comprehension for an LBS and because they still exist physically as whom we recall...it's the ultimate trauma.

Exactly right. I think most LBS's are desperately clinging to the thought that the WAS is going through something temporary and will at some point get "back to normal". That can happen like I think it did with Sandi, but in most cases they never are the same person again. My ex is a good example, she's more like her old self but she is not at all the person I was married to for 20 years. She's maybe 50% that person, whereas after BD she was maybe 25%. And couldn't agree more that the fact that you still SEE the same old body and face makes it that much more difficult to reconcile the changed personality in your head.

It's so funny to me Stander. When you described your new lady and how amazing she was to me in the early days of my sitch, I was like "yeah right, good luck for me finding something like that" BAM! out of NOWHERE she came to me!

Yup. Good men are hard to find these days. Great men more so. Great men under 40 are like unicorns. Women, especially young women, are starving to find a good man (much less a great one). I met a friend for dinner yesterday. She's 31 and beautiful. Dark hair and striking green eyes. Looks like Melisandre on Game of Thrones. Her last BF invited her to Aruba, then told her she had to buy her own ticket. When they got there he didn't pay for a single meal, expected her to. Oh and he invited his best friend to go along with them, a married guy that hit on her whenever her BF wasn't in the room. Then she got Montezuma's Revenge and he ditched her to go party with his friend. I mean this is the same kind of crap I heard over and over again when I started dating. Whenever I hear men here saying they don't know if they'll be able to find someone again, well, they have no idea how easy it's going to be. It's like saying you don't know if you'll ever catch a fish again, but then you take your boat out and fish are jumping in the boat before you can even get your lure on.

All I can say is right now even if I wanted to, I could not go back to my WW. It's not even a matter of dropping the rope...there is no rope to drop anymore.

That's awesome, congrats!

Me: 59 w/ S17, D23, D26
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56